Friday, 9 March 2012
Apparently I can only do something when I don't really want to.
Not when I'm actively deciding against doing something, mind you. I'm able to not do those types of things just fine. It just seems that the more I want to do something, the less likely it is to happen. For instance, I wouldn't put "updating this sadly neglected section of the Internet" on the list of things I want to do at 4:19AM. There has been numerous occasions over the past five months where I have sat down, excited and ready to write, only to not have anything to actually write about. Any given day, I have about eight things I want to do, and yet I never end up doing many of them.
Right now, I just want to sleep.
I also want to learn to play a musical instrument. I own a bass guitar that has all but been abandoned for about five years. Many times over that period I had decided I would pick it back up and teach myself how to make pleasing sounds with it, and yet it hasn't been touched. I know I want to do it, and I know I'm not afraid of the work, it just never happens. And this carries over through most things in my life. It's like I can only do things by using them to procrastinate doing OTHER things. And I enjoy doing most of these things. It is a very odd phenomenon. Another thing I'd like to do: get in better shape. It's been on my to-do list for several years, and it's never quite happened. It isn't that I dislike working out, I actually enjoy it. And I certainly have the time. I think my main problem is that I just plan too much. The more I want to do something, the more I think about it, research it, and want to do it right the first time. Then I realise that I won't do it right the first time, and I figure I should spend more time thinking and researching, to the point where it becomes a downward spiral. Meanwhile, if I just happen to do something I wasn't planning on doing, I don't have the time to talk myself out of it.
Like this post for instance.
But this is all (hopefully) about to change. Things have finally all started to come together in my life, and I'm excited to see it all fall into place. One of the byproducts of this life culmination is that this blog will be updated much more often. Hopefully, at least once a week. Maybe more, if I don't want to. There will be more posts about this at a later time though, probably when I choose to be not doing something else. Right now, I think I'll just go to bed.
Although, I don't really want to.